You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize