Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
