Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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