Jerry, you need to find god
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
