she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize