His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
