Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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