Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
