will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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