Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
