I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
