is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
