Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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