why didn't you poke me back
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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