there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
