i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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