just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
