I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
