im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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