I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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