The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
