At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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