____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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