Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This house was built for laser tag.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
