so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
