Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
