Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
