fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i believe in u and ur pee
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
