I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize