he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
