I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize