Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
