Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
