she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
party gras won. party gras always wins.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize