I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
