So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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