Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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