This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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