im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
