i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
