i was born a porn star she said
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
