***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
