He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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