I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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