Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
