I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
