Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
