Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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