There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
