My brain says no but my pants say off.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
