i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
