Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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