is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
