i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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