i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Text me some of your sweat
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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