Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
