wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
