Can i not drive my cunt home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
