New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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