I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Still dying that you shit outside
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
