Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
