Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
