This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
