No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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