I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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