apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
