Your face is a jimmy john
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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