why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
