I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
