seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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