You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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