I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
