i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
