I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
